“I don’t have thoughts unless I’m alone.” These words were spoken to me by one of my friends today. It sounds terrible, but I think it’s fairly accurate. I can analyze better when I am my only distraction. So much better that it can feel like I don’t even think at all around people. It’s like an Ashley autopilot.
The problem: I am never alone. I don’t even really try to set aside some quality alone time. I feel like that I am never alone, but in a sense that I am. I enjoy the people in my life way too much to willingly leave when I don’t have to, so I stay even when it is painfully obvious that I do not belong. They are unique, hilarious individuals. To put it plainly, they are the best distractions ever to have existed.
So, does thinking follow the “use it or lose it” rule? If I don’t regularly think will I lose the ability to do so? It’s not like I can afford this possibility. I like thoughts. I like my thoughts.
I find people that think a lot to be fascinating, and I typically go out of my way to befriend them. So, ideally, I want to be someone that I would find fascinating. I know that I should make time to do more of my poetry and random writings. I just don’t do this when I am around people. I now am making time for this blog, but I don’t think it’s enough. I want to be more active in my becoming awesome. I want to be able to think.
Sweet Dreams!
Ashley Kirtman 